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Testimonies

Rachel's Vineyard Testimony:
 

The Secret

I was thirteen and in grade nine when my life changed forever. I was the oldest girt of 5 children. Years of alcoholism, chaos,
abuse and neglect left me deeply damaged. I was a prime candidate for sexual abuse. As I approached my teen years I had dreams of pursuing an art career. I was attractive, outgoing and intelligent with the possibilities of a promising future. But I was also deeply damaged. A young teenager that has not had the emotional need for love fulfilled by her parents is at high risk of coercion by sexual predators. My life changed when I became pregnant through coercion by an older boy. The devastating and degrading experience left me pregnant. I felt guilty, dirty and shameful. I felt used, abandoned and betrayed. I was in shock that such a thing could happen to me, and yet I imagined the baby inside my womb. It was 1971. Abortion was illegal. The authorization of three doctors was required to perform an abortion. The coercion persisted. I was told I was too young to carry a child, it was a blob of tissue; I was having a D&C; there was no baby, form or spirit. The secret was being ingrained. I sunk deep into a pit of depression and confusion. I had no control over my life. Time became urgent. I became pregnant in February, the abortion took place in May. The secret was buried. I returned to school to complete grade nine, but the will to live was gone.

My own life had been aborted along with my baby. For the next 34 years I suffered in silence and experienced Post Abortion Trauma symptoms. This included depression, anxiety and volatile anger, substance abuse, emotional numbing, divorce, lowered self-esteem, distrust of males and sexual dysfunction. Sorrow, grief and guilt pursued my days. I was unable to bond emotionally with my children and I was waiting for my life to be over. The freedom to truly love others and enjoy my life had been taken from me. The abortion affected every area of my life and it changed forever.

There is hope and healing for Post Abortion Trauma. Millions of women and men are suffering because they were told that after the abortion their life would go back to normal. But it will never be the same again. When my fifth child was 3 years old I finally received healing. I was 43, a mother of 5, grandmother of 2 and divorced 3 times. On my healing journey I attended post abortive counselling through our local Crisis Pregnancy Centre and a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat weekend.

This allowed my to grieve my loss and dignify my baby’s life. Today I am not afraid to tell the truth about life in the womb. I am not afraid to say that abortion hurts women and men and kills their babies. There is hope and healing for the wounded in our land. My secret is no longer buried. I want to help other men and women find healing and I want to tell the truth about life.

Article 6, of The Universal Declaration of Human Rights states that:
“Everyone has the right to recognition everywhere as a person before the law”.

- Heather White